dear m miller buttface, chairman and ceo of brasfield & buttface,
as you know, some of your jerkface colleagues have been visited by crowds of attractive noisy rabble rousers during the daytime. we thought you might benefit from a nighttime visit instead. your ugly tacky house @ [hyperlinked address here] caught our attention and we redecorated just a bit… the walls looked better with a little pink so did that creepy statue. the lexus and mercedes in your driveway also screamed poor taste so we splashed them with a gallon of laquer thinner and etched “stop cop city” and a dick with circle A balls into the windshields and driver’s side window. much better! on the driveway we left a message: c u soon. it’s up to you if we make good on this promise… if your dumb company drops the cop city contract then stylish people like us wouldn’t feel so compelled to visit you ever again. if not, we’re looking forward to something even hotter and sexier!
-fey (un)painter’s union
Submitted anonymously over email