I take a walk to the park and I follow it down to the creek, the desert, the forest, the river, the lake, the sea, the pollution from industrial waste billowing from factories, and pouring into every water way, radiation unveiling across a barren landscape, a dam blocks salmon runs and destroys ecosystems downstream. I pass clear-cuts long done, the deserts feel hotter littered with mining and oilfields, the forests dryer logged and carved, another wildfire burned a section of forest and opportunistic loggers took what survived, in the desert a mine takes the earth beneath, I take a swim in the sea, the coral reef is bleached. The runoff of industrial civilization hurts my skin.
I can’t find any water that is safe to drink.
I head to dry off in the sun beneath power-pylons, stretches of concrete suffocating the earth as far as the eye can see, skyscrapers, houses, and offices buzzing and pulsing with the luxuries provided by the bass-rhythm of Eco-domination. The wind turbines, solar panels, dams, and nuclear energy rely on mining the earth of rare minerals and expands the infrastructure of an Eco-dominating way of life. The electric power of this infrastructure is a capitalist good, while simultaneously expanding extraction, consumer goods, surveillance, military tech, societal control, policing, prisons… my head buzzes.
It turns night and I head off to rest.
I build a fire and I realize I cannot see the stars. They are blocked by the light of a million lights. I watch the trains passing from the top of a tree. Every 3rd train is carrying oil, every single one is another capitalist good, ever so often there is military equipment.
The goods from these trains are loaded onto trucks and propelled across the highways, or put onto ships or planes for their destinations.
I think about how climate collapse doesn’t have to be measured by the instruments that only those in domination possess, it is clear that the ecosystems are collapsing and have collapsed or murdered to the rhythm of industrial technological domination.
My head reels, I sit down for a moment, in the distance I see prisons, jails, police flutter around like flies to a carcass, the cops murdering the 100th person this year is in the newspapers in the boxes on the street. I see a monument to colonialism, history of indigenous genocide, the plantation scars of slavery, cars with white supremacist bumper stickers pass me. I hitch a ride with the next friendly looking face, we pass the southern border wall and I stare off into the distance thinking of everyone who has been forced to die crossing, and people forced into concentration camps.
The driver says that another trans kid died the other day, the driver misgenders her and I never learn her real name. I think about how often this happens, and how it doesn’t really matter if it was a hate-crime murder, or due to the suffocating environment of the violent imposition of gender, or a tortured life of maladjustability, they’re the same cause of death: this gendered nightmare.
Throughout all this I fall into daydreams of planes falling out the sky into buildings, nuclear reactors melting down, trains crashing and exploding in the yard, a blackout, electrical substations overloading, a checkpoint on fire, a precinct explodes, an oilfield burns, a billion dead government employees, politicians heads exploding, CEO’s trapped dying in a house fire, a bridge collapsing, a nazi bleeds out in the street, I watch the life leave a transphobes eyes, dams falling beneath their own weight, a ship capsizing, a fascist meeting is barricaded from the outside and everyone burned alive, a car filled with explosive is driven into an active session of congress.
I purge these daydreams with what I am capable of expressing.
Do you feel yourself in the misery of an authoritarian world of domination, only escaping with daydreams of violence?
If not, be honest with me, upfront, because I am hopeless, bitter, angry. I’m not interested in positivity.
I want to be free, I want authority and domination to feel pain, fear, to recede.
I want this world to receive blows at the hand of an anarchist insurgent force.
I want to enact revenge, vengeance. I want to strike at authority and domination.
I want to be arm in arm engaged in destroying the world that we live in.
I’m nauseous of the positivity. I’m disgusted with the hope. I find despair in those who find comfort. Continue reading “A million walks….. Do you dream like this? – Poem/Ramble” →